Do You Hold Your Spouse Captive?

Do You Hold Your Spouse Captive?


By Abby Kelly on August 2, 2012

Saturday morning, I sat down to do my Bible reading and quiet time. I cracked my journal’s spine and jotted down a few lines of prayer,

Lord, please open your word to me this morning. Speak personally and give me insight into my life and your will for me. Give me wisdom.”

Cruising through the Old Testament, 2 Chronicles to be exact, isn’t exactly where one expects to find the most poignant application to marriage. We don’t practice arranged marriage anymore or have laws about what cultures we may or may not marry into.

It’s not like Philippians 2, where God commands us to consider others as better than ourselves. And unlike Titus 2, it doesn’t plainly outline what our biblical roles in marriage are. However, God’s word is sharper than any two-edged sword. It cuts between bone and marrow. It is living and active, and if our hearts are humble to receive it, God will teach us every time we open it, from every page and sentence.

My assignment was 2 Chronicles 28. Judah had a new king. Ahaz ruled in blatant rebellion to God’s commands. He even offered his sons as sacrifices to foreign idols. So, God sent armies to conquer Judah. One of those was the army of Israel (Israel and Judah had split after the days of King Solomon).

“The men of Israel took captive 200,000 of their relatives, women, sons and daughters. The also took much spoil from them and brought the spoil to Samaria.” (v.8)

I can imagine the conversations among the soldiers would go something like this: “Can you believe what they were doing in Judah? I mean, sacrificing their children? Nothing like that would ever happen in Israel. It’s hard to believe we’re related to them, we’ve maintained a much more godly society.”

I’ve had thoughts like that in my marriage when my husband has offended me. Sometimes I can even specifically point out where his behavior has been less than that of a godly husband. Then, I get carried away with my thoughts, imagining that I have been a more godly wife to him, that I have spent more time in prayer and Bible reading and that I am the more pious spouse. Even my prayers can turn into finger pointing like, “God help him to see the error of his ways and treat me more lovingly.”

God didn’t put up with that behavior from Israel and He won’t take it from me either. As soon as the soldiers marched home to Samaria a prophet named Obed met them at the gate. He chastised the Israelites for their fierce treatment of their brothers and their intention to keep them as slaves. And then he explained the mercy that God wanted them to show to their captives.

Behold, because the Lord was angry with Judah, he gave them into your hand, but you have killed them in a rage that has reached up to heaven. And now you intend to subjugate the people of Judah…as your slaves. (v. 9b-10) Now hear me and send back the captives from your relatives whom you have taken, for the fierce wrath of the Lord is upon you.”

When I lord an offense over my husband and assume a self-righteous attitude, I am in a sense taking him captive. I feel like I can hold him in my debt as the more righteous spouse.

In modern times, what would the prophet Obed say to me? Perhaps he would use the words of Paul, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32

Or Jesus’ words,

But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Matthew 6:15

There will be times when I am in the right and my husband has sinned against me. There will be just as many times when the opposite is true. What is important to God is that I remember forgiveness, fueled by humility and gratitude to a forgiving Savior.

(Published August 2, 2012 at Start Marriage Right.com)