It's A Small World After All

It's A Small World After All

As a kid growing up in Oklahoma, my primary diet was dust. So, it was remarkably refreshing after an evening softball game, or an afternoon spent mowing the lawn, to pour a glass of cold water. In nearly any room of the house, my sisters and I could turn a shiny silver knob and and lavishly splash cool, clean water over our faces, arms and neck. Then, reaching for a brightly colored cup, without a second thought, we gulped the life-giving liquid. 

Nearly every summer, on the evening news, I remember hearing about a seasonal water shortage. Neighbors began to take turns watering their lawns. Daddy didn’t wash the cars. But never for one second did I fear that we would run out of clean drinking water. 

This year has been record setting in Oklahoma. In August, the temperature soared to 113 degrees. More than 30% of the state is experiencing an exceptional drought. But, in my family’s garage there are still cases of clean water. Every evening we take long showers. Here in rural Oklahoma, I have never known anyone dying for water. 

In 2008, a non-profit foundation called Water4 , was founded in Oklahoma City by Dick and Terri Greenly, to address the global water crisis. A water crisis that most of us in North America have never even considered. We certainly don’t worry about dying children every time we enjoy a cool glass of ice water. 

Water4 exists primarily provide water to impoverished, thirsty areas. At the same time, Water4 educates and trains nationals to be intricately involved in the effort to provide sustainable, clean water sources to their villages. Already working tirelessly in Haiti, Sierra Leone, Uganda and Rwanda, Water4’s goal is to provide clean drinking water to a million people by 2014.  

Statistically, the majority of Oklahomans are pro-life. Consequently, voters are well aware that about 3,322 children are aborted everyday. However, few people know that 4,320 children die everyday due to a water-related illness. 

Many states across America are withering with drought this summer. Farmers are fearful for their crops and consequently, their livelihood. The entire globe is feeling the economic pinch. But when we feel the parched tongues of children in third-world countries, when we see the countless tiny graves of thirsty children - we have to be grateful for our relative abundance and wonder...

What can we do?

While the cost to build a private well in Oklahoma is upwards of $2000, you can donate a well and supply water to an entire village through Water4’s program for $900. You’ll never turn that shiny silver knob mindlessly again, and neither will your children.

Originally posted at FaithWriters.com on August 29,2012

SPIN - it's more than a workout

SPIN – it’s more than a workout

If I say SPIN, what do you think of?

If you’re reading this in the framework of fitness, you probably just imagined a room full of low-profile bikes. Dozens of sweaty people are pedaling as fast as they can and getting absolutely nowhere! But they’re loving it. Someone is at the front of the pack screaming directions over the crush of loud, motivating music.

And you’d be right, that’s definitely SPIN.

Or you might think of the bajillion proverbial plates you have in the air. Somehow, in a superhuman feat you manage to keep your life precariously balanced and a serving of every friend and family member’s happiness whirling at all times. Good for you! Right? Is that good?

In light of a greater fitness – your soul’s fitness and your mental health, I want to propose another definition of SPIN. I recently heard an interview with a couple, the authors of a new book, From Hectic to Healthy. As time marches on and we are entering into the unrelenting demands of a new school year, I think this is appropriate.

Seasons: We often refer to our lives in seasons. There’s the season of singleness, newly wed, parent, mid-life (crisis), retirement, elderly, etc. Cognitively, we’re OK with that, except for always wishing we were younger. But do we live happily in the season God has given us? The authors of this book suggest that we begin to feel overwhelmed when we try to live outside our season.

If you’re struggling to find time to fit in your workouts, or any other important aspect of your life, ask yourself if you are trying to
do this thing in light of your current season. Be reasonable, give yourself some grace. Challenge yourself, yes, but remember
there is season for everything and the time for all your dreams and goals will arrive in God’s timing.

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven,” Ecc. 3:1.

Priorities: set your priorities according to your season. By the way, your health is YOUR responsibility and it’s important to your family too! So don’t put that at the bottom of the list. God has been persistently reminding me lately that REST is a key component of health!

Isolation: You probably feel like isolation is something you would pay to have! Many women are in the season of kiddos and chaos; happy family times, but tiring nonetheless. Or you may be feeling isolated from adult companions.  Spinning your life faster to include more things isn’t the answer! Find one thing, start with just one, from the bottom of your priority list and draw a big black line through it! Now, go join a Moms Who TRI bootcamp – get your friendship and fitness in one, enjoyable hour!

Neglect: This is MOMS Who TRI, and the only things moms frequently neglect is themselves. That’s what Moms Who TRI is all about. It is an environment for busy moms to prioritize their health, spend time with their children and enjoy fellowship with other women.

SPIN – This fall, ditch that feeling of spinning your wheels and getting nowhere. Discover and fully live in your SEASON. PRIORITIZE and let something go! Don’t ISOLATE yourself, or maybe you need to eliminate something so that you can hide away by yourself and refresh for just a moment. Don’t NEGLECT your health behind the guise of being too busy to workout. You are important, too!

Posted at Moms Who TRI blog, August 21, 2012

Hard-Core Honor

Hard-Core Honor

Marriage is made of promises, from the inaugural seconds of the union between a man and woman.

I, Sinner 1, promise to be true to you, Sinner 2, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.”

I took some liberties with the vows, but they are nonetheless true of anyone who has ever taken the marriage vow.

Typically, the honeymoon follows where it’s relatively easy to keep those promises. Just two weeks ago, I returned from my little sister’s wedding. She and her husband have been dating for more than seven years. They have kept and broken promises to each other. They have forgiven and overcome bitterness. But as she and I sat on the floor in her living room, just days before she was to take those vows, this sinner felt an urgent need to share with her what I am finding to be the secret to promise keeping.

The secret is one five-letter word hidden in the middle of the marriage vows. Honor. According to Dictionary.com, honor means: honesty, fairness, or integrity in one’s beliefs and actions. Despite the culture’s clamor for equality, showing honor requires nothing of the sort. My vow to honor my husband is binding on me even if he breaks his vow.

This is a hard pill to swallow and one that many Christians contend. But I offer you two Biblical precedents.

First Samuel 25, tells the story of Abigail. Abigail was married to Nabal, a man the Scripture describes as, “crude, mean, wicked and ill-tempered.” Ultimately, Nabal’s stingy and unjust behavior cost him his life. However, Abigail behaved honorably toward both her husband and those he had offended. We don’t know anything about the earlier years of their marriage, but it’s doubtful that Nabal had ever treated her with honor.

Hosea is the sad story of one man’s marriage to an unfaithful woman. Hosea obeyed the Lord and married a woman who was never faithful to him. In fact, on more than one occasion, God sent Hosea to redeem Gomer from the trouble her promiscuity had gotten her into.

And the Lord said to me, ‘Go again, love a woman who is loved by another man and is an adulteress, even as the Lord loves the children of Israel, though they turn to other gods and love cakes of raisins” (Hosea 3:1).

These stories tell of the obedient lives of two people who loved God and kept their vows to honor their mates, even when they were not treated with honor. But the verse in Hosea introduces the greatest story of love in the face of dishonor.

God loves us even when we are disobedient. “…but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

Whether you are preparing to take your marriage vows, or took them years ago, maintain your obedience to Christ.

Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God” (Ephesians 5:1-2).

We understand that we will face dishonor and unfairness in life, but we generally believe that our spouse should be exception; Our husband or wife should be one person who always honors us, brings us joy, and makes us happy. But when two sinners wed, that can never be the case. A Bible study teacher once stopped me in my tracks with her comment,

God gave you a spouse to make you holy, not to make you happy.”

Published at Start Marriage Right, July 10, 2012

Give It To God

Give It To God

How many times has some well-meaning Christian friend or advisor told you that?

You can’t control it, so just let it go. Trust God. He’ll handle it.

Does that rankle your nerves as it does mine? I hate being told that, and I hate hearing that seeming cliche come out of my mouth to another believer.

It’s a common response to a painful situation that we don’t know what to do with. When someone we know is forging through the aftermath of a senseless loss, trying to survive a betrayal or struggling to overcome a recurring sin, we often don’t know what to suggest. That’s because we are as fallible as they are. We are as fragile as they are. Even if we have crossed that particular bridge before, replaying our story and offering our solution often comes out with an air of superiority or false empathy.

Recently, I sat across the table from a gentle mentor who said no such thing. In fact, I am amazed that she sat with me for nearly two hours, listened intently  to my pain, watched my public display of agony and never once said, “Oh, I’ve been there too. I know exactly how you feel.” It was after those soothing hours of verbally releasing my hurt that I told my journal, “I think I finally know what it feels like to ‘give it to God.’”

 It’s like flipping the latch on my own cage. I had been chained to stare at my pain. Like a canary in a tiny cage, able only to watch the cat threaten and mock him. All along, the vulnerable little bird had the power to flip the latch and not only avoid the anguish of mediating upon his impending doom, but to fly away to safety. When he discovered that latch and flipped the lever, the pain didn’t go away. In fact, the pain could now leap with even greater possibility at his feet. But also, he now had the indisputable power to fly higher and farther away than the pain could ever reach.

Published on Predatory Lies, July 2012

Interview With Judy Rossi, Author of Enhancing Your Marriage

Interview With Judy Rossi, Author of Enhancing Your Marriage

It’s a rare treat to take a Bible study under the tutelage of the author. I was afforded such a treat this spring in a women’s study called, Enhancing Your Marriage, by Judy Rossi. I experienced and observed the resurrection of marriages. When the study was over, Judy agreed to an interview so that I can share just a glimpse of the wealth I learned.

Abby Kelly: If you could choose one truth to impart to your own daughter, on the night before her wedding—what would it be?

Judy Rossi: “It would be this: Don’t let the stuff of marriage change how you accept, respect and appreciate your man as a man now. Continue to be thankful for his God-given, hormone-influenced/driven differences and traits, to see him as your balance not as your opposite.”

What are some early “symptoms” that a couple is in trouble?

I think one of the earliest and most telling symptoms is dishonesty—hiding who we really are and what we really need from our spouses. Not being honest with our mate about ourselves, an issue, an offense, or a concern sets us up for disillusionment about our mates because they didn’t meet our preconceived expectations. Men are not mind readers. Therefore, unaddressed and unresolved problem areas build. They close our spirits and harden our hearts toward our spouse.

Truth without grace is cruel. Grace without truth is license. Jesus always had both in operation. A great reminder: the tougher the message, the gentler the delivery.”

Is there a “vaccination” against some of the most common marital troubles?

Naturally I believe that we must first have a relationship with Jesus Christ. That said, God can work wonders in a marriage even if our spouse hasn’t yet come to Christ. Second, as stated earlier, understanding that God designed the institution of marriage to reflect our relationship with the heavenly Bridegroom (Ephesians 5:22-33), our marriages will become God’s workshop—the place where He will make us more like Jesus. The good, the bad and the downright ugly will typically show themselves within the marriage relationship. And God will meet us there. He will use the best and the worst circumstances of our marriages to mature us spiritually (Romans 8:28-29). He will not waste anything that could turn us from self-centered to Christ-centered.”

What does it mean to leave one’s family?

That Adam and Eve had no human mother and father to leave is profound. Their primary relationship was to be with God first, who commanded them to make each other their primary earthly relationship. It’s no different today.

But “leaving” is only one third of God’s command for the married couple. If one won’t leave, then there is no cleaving. And if there’s no cleaving, then there is no becoming one. The commitment to the relationship is incomplete unless each spouse chooses to leave former relationships, clings to the other and becomes one. That’s where the protection lies.”

What if we had sex before we got married? Are we doomed to suffer for it in our marriage?

If I may speak personally here, guilt from premarital sexual sin affected me for years. It was hidden in the depths of my soul, and I knew I wouldn’t be free to truly enjoy my husband sexually until I permitted God’s forgiveness to pour all over me, cleanse me, wash my past away and make me “holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation” (Colossians 1:22, NIV). Slowly afterward I began to see the sexual “us” in a totally different light—God’s light—beautifully intentional, holy and free to enjoy.”

Are there times when counseling is necessary? Can’t we just fix it on our own?

Sometimes we just get “stuck”—stuck in our thought life, stuck in our attitudes, stuck in our emotions, and stuck in our behaviors. We might even be contemplating the “D”-word, because we truly don’t know how to tackle the problems in our marriage. And some may have a spouse unwilling to tackle the problems in their marriage. That’s when we can use a biblically-grounded mentor or a biblical counselor who can show us how to respond to our circumstances and/or to our spouse in a way that honors God and effectively addresses the issues.”

Is it ever hopeless? Is there ever an offense worthy of leaving and walking away from the marriage?

Today’s culture would declare that any prolonged unhappiness constitutes a walkable offense. But God wouldn’t agree. And even though Jesus states adultery as the only walkable offense, He doesn’t even make that a mandate. He knows how God can work in the hearts and minds of each couple, to bring them to forgiveness, reconciliation, and restoration—the very message of the Cross.

Logically and biblically speaking, we don’t serve a God of hopelessness; therefore, nothing is hopeless. However, that doesn’t mean that sometimes we may not feel as if things are hopeless. This is a time when we need to reground our perspective—not about marriage, but about God. Because He is sovereign, I believe that nothing happens to me that doesn’t pass before Him first.”

How can we build intimacy if one spouse is deployed or for some other reason we are geographically separated?

Honestly, you’re either building intimacy or tearing it down every day. I would say that the  most effective way to hold a husband fast to us during separation is to respect him as a man, as a husband, as a lover, leader, protector and provider. When he knows that he’s appreciated for all that he does, when he doesn’t feel like “just a paycheck”, his heart is sold out to the one who appreciates him. And God wants that one to be his wife!”

Published at Start Marriage Right in June 2012

Yours, Mine and Ours

Yours, Mine and Ours

There’s a great old movie, Your’s, Mine and Our’s. It’s been redone since the original 1968 version, but I am partial to Lucille Ball and Henry Fonda.

It’s the story of a widower with 10 children and a widow, the mother of eight. They unexpectedly fall in love and tackle the overwhelming challenge of uniting their two families. It’s not a simple task. From finding a big enough house and divvying up bedrooms, to managing who goes to work and who stays home, to separating animal-like squabbles, the couple have their work cut out for them. However, like any good movie, it has a happy ending.

In our 10 short years of marriage, my husband I have faced similar odds trying to consolidate our individual friends and find couples that we both enjoy spending time with. Quite simply, it’s a “your’s, mine and our’s” situation.

Most of the time, we just do our own thing. Occasionally, there is an Army event that I am expected to attend. There I meet and socialize with his fellow commander’s wives. Afterward, I explain to him that I didn’t really enjoy it and I nestle back into “my” friendships and I let him have his.

There are several problems with this arrangement. Quite often, I confess, I chose my girlfriends over my husband. There’s a law against that kind of behavior when you’re dating. But, after you’re married, you expect that your spouse will be there anyway. Why make the sacrifice?

That brings up another issue. When we stubbornly go our own ways, neither of us learns to be Christ-like and consider others as better than ourselves (Philippians 2:3-4). It is the epitome of selfishness, which is directly contrary to a godly life.

Last weekend, we were both invited to attend two different potluck celebrations. One was hosted by his friends, the other by my very best friend. I argued the point that my friend had asked first, ignoring the fact that we had spent the previous weekend with her and that I saw her many times throughout the week. We confirmed for both events.

That produced a problem because they started at the same time and were only minutes apart. We headed off in our separate directions–him to fulfill one commitment and me to fulfill the other. We kept our commitments to our friends and placed our loyalty to each other in second place. Later I joined him at his friend’s home but left early and alone.

Was the decision sinful? Probably not. I am grateful that God has given us both wonderful friends and time to spend with them. But, in Genesis, God calls us to leave our nuclear families and to cleave to our spouse. That means to prefer them, to “cling or adhere” to them. If that is true of our relationships with our families, is it not even more true of our friendships?

Published at Start Marriage Right on August 9, 2012

When Help Hurts

When Help Hurts

Just pop a thermometer under your spouse’s tongue and read the digital diagnosis: It’s a simple case of poor communication. Just say two, “I’m sorries,” and make sure you say, “I love you” tomorrow. Or, maybe you have a bad case of jealousy. Simply elevate your quality time for a week and you’ll be fine.

Wouldn’t it be great if diagnosing and fixing our relationship troubles were that easy?

A few months ago, my sister was enjoying the evening with her family when she began to have sharp stomach pain. After about 24 hours of hoping it was a bug and downing anti-acids, she consulted a doctor. The doctor suggested a couple things it might be, gave her some medicine and said to wait it out. The pain lingered and progressed for nearly a week. Finally, in desperation, her husband took her to the emergency room. Following an X-ray and a consult with a surgeon, it was determined that her appendix had burst several days before.

Kelsey was in critical condition and emergency surgery probably saved her life. Similarly, ignoring relationship issues, unexplained discomfort or signs of trouble can put a marriage in critical condition.

Sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference between a potentially fatal issue and one best left to resolve itself. When it is necessary, addressing a problem and getting help can be scary. Certainly, confrontation is painful. Just like my sister’s surgery, the pain can be cutting and there is often a long recovery time. However, getting help leads to healing.

How do you know when it’s time to seek help for your relationship’s pain? SeattleChristianCounseling.com cautions against a “get help before it’s too late” mentality.

Marriage counseling offers a way to slow down and give attention to your marriage as it is, whether you are suffering from deep rifts that seem to deepen and widen every time you have an argument, or if you have specific problems that cause snags in your relationship that need to be addressed. Problems are a part of marriage. Every marriage has problems but they speak God’s design in marriage in order to help transform us. It is impossible to grow or mature without being challenged, and marriage is the path whereby two people become who they are meant to be in union with each other and in communion with God. Problems are the tools God uses to motivate us towards growth.”

There’s no need to fear pain but it is important to seek godly advice to promote healing.

Published on StartMarriageRight.com on July 19, 2012

Inspirational Bible Verses

Inspirational Bible Verses


The most discouraging part of life is being my own worst enemy.
I can been angry at an outside offender and avoid the people I like the least. But I can't get away from me! Every night I go to bed declaring, "I will do better tomorrow!" Every morning I awake still mired in the same muck that harassed me yesterday.

In my recovery from an eating disorder, every night I swore that the next day I would eat right, moderate my exercise, and be honest with my therapist. Then, like an alcoholic lured by the neighborhood bar or the liquor cabinet still in his den - I rose each new day and fell instantly into old, comfortable habits.

These verses may not seem encouraging on the face, but they teach me that God is for me, even when I am not.
"For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel, 'In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and trust shall be your strength.' But you were unwilling...Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him." Isaiah 30:15,18

My personal battle was with anorexia and compulsive exercise. The ability to force my body to perform, to burn every last calorie, to earn every morsel of food, seemed of utmost importance. When counselors and loved ones began to warn me of the consequences of my actions and to restrict my activity, I needed some promise that I wasn't losing the single most valuable thing in my life.

"Rather train yourself for godliness; for while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come. This saying is trustworthy and worthy of full acceptance. For to this end we toil and strive, because we have our hope set on the living God, who is the Savior of all people, especially of those who believe." I Timothy 4:7b-10

In these verses God promised me that the most important way to invest my time and the activity that would benefit me the most was to discipline my mind to study His word. That gave me another focus, a different kind of exercise which promised me great gain.

The idea of suffering is never appealing. But the fact is, suffering comes to all people. It is of great comfort to know that there is a purpose behind the pain.

"And after you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen and establish you." I Peter 5:10

The greatest pain I ever experienced came in the form of betrayal by a very important person in my life. For days my body and soul felt like black holes. I was caving in on myself, soon to evaporate completely. I was furious that life went on. How dare it in some situations! Through I Peter 5:10, God reminded me that He has a sovereign purpose. I emerged on the other side of betrayal stronger, more confident and the relationship was restored.

Perhaps the most comforting verse in the Bible is II Timothy 3:16-17, "All Scripture is God breathed and useful for teaching, rebuking and training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work." God assures me that His word is applicable and sufficient for all situations - even the most painful ones.


Posted on Yahoo Voices May 2011